Impulse of the impersonal

I stare at the mirror and see somebody. As I observe closely, I see a being, a clueless node, awaiting something. If I could know his motivation, what does he await? Probably an impulse - Impulse of the impersonal. 

As I dig deep into the relationship between nature and her constituents, I observe this invisible umbilical cord hanging around everything that lives. The cord acts as a node, connecting everything living to their creator - The Nature.

A question that keeps me restless - What is nature trying to achieve through these nodes? Do we all have a purpose as natural constructs? The question keeps getting louder as I encounter my impulses. Are these impulses my own or nature is seeking something from me? Is she trying to get my attention? Whenever I try to get around the laws of human pleasure seeking, strange urges try pulling me back, redirecting me towards my raw instincts, reminding me who I really am - A natural node in the body of a human being.

This experience is hard to express. Its as if I come across a lake, I know I am going to drown into. I consciously try to avoid getting into it. But, as I walk away, the urge to get back into the lake keeps me from leaving. Why does nature want to drown me? Is she unhappy with me bypassing the natural human quest of pleasure seeking? Is she angry with her node not behaving as programmed and threatening to go rogue? I need to know for sure.

As I encounter these impulses, I begin to wonder about the consequences of acting on them. Rationality leads me to a negative conclusion to its aftereffects, but so is any other natural impulse like a tornado, volcano, tsunami etc. Nature doesn't bother about the consequences of her impulses, she just goes about her business without fear of judgement. She doesn't think about lives or livelihood that might be lost due to an earthquake or a flood. These things just happen uninhibited. Is nature irrational or our definition of rationality have serious limitations?

If we are just fulfilling our purpose as natural nodes, why should we bother about the consequences of acting on our impulses? Why does the brush of rationality paint a conflicting picture? Why do I worry about ending up living on a tree, if I follow my impulses? After all I was designed to live in the wild, we all were. We chose to move away from our natural state, we chose to evolve or degenerate into something different. In our original state, we used to act on our impulses without rationality clouding our judgement. As we moved away from the mothership, something dramatically changed within us. We started calculating the consequences of our actions, we started visualizing the future and our state in it. We started scheming and conspiring, even denying our impulses in the present moment for future. In a nutshell, we started living for the future and not the present moment.

Nature wants me to live in the present moment. She is asking me, not to worry about the future, not to fear the consequences of acting impulsive, not to deviate from my original state. She wants me to act on my impulses. She designed me with flesh and blood for a purpose and that purpose is to act on the impulse of the impersonal.